


Swimming Pools (Exploding Stars)

by goodbyekisses



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys Being Boys, M/M, Slow Burn, ish, they're all idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:47:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7303846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodbyekisses/pseuds/goodbyekisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone had told Niall how fucked up Harry and he are going to be he wouldn't have started it. No swimming pools, no shooting stars, no more shattering.</p>
<p>If someone had told him how good he feels with Nick, he wouldn't have started it either. No dinners, no cigarettes, no more heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swimming Pools (Exploding Stars)

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a month ago. Had way too many iced lattes with an enourmous amount of extra espresso shots and was literally freaking out over it. (It's a story told over several years, like 2010 to 2025, that's how i work now like it seems). Thanks to Laura for listen to all my trash.

_one._  
  
  
He isn't quite sure why he's sitting in Nick's garden. Why he switched from drinking beer to drinking gin tonic. Or why he's about to tell stories like this one.  
  
"Are you going to tell me about this?", Nick chuckles, "Or were you two so pissed you can't remember?"  
  
The problem is. He can remember. So _fucking_ clear it may hurt a little.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Harry with his head in Niall's lap. Humming a stupid lovesong. Fingertips on Niall's legs.

"Look!"  
  
He tries to force himself to open his eyes. Somehow he can't bring it over him. Isn't sure why excactly. They're laying in a garden at night. In Ireland. Gazing at stars (or at least Harry is). Only them.  
  
Harry and Niall.  
  
Niall and Harry.  
  
Only the two of them.  
  


"You missed it, Niall!", he sounds a little bit disappointed, "Shooting star."  
  
"Sorry." He smiles. Still not opening his eyes.  
  
"We have to wait for the next one then."  
  
His smile get's even brighter. Shaking his head, amused.  
  


"I wished for ..."  
  
Niall sighs. "You're not supposed to tell, you know?"  
  
He's finally opening his eyes. The second he does so he wants them shut again. Harry's starring at him, the good way. But it's intimidating, the bad way somehow. It was way easier when his eyes were closed.  
  
Harry's sliding his fingers under Niall's shirt. Unbuttons one and then another button of it. The wrong way around, from the bottom to the top. Harry's still smiling at him. Smiling. Opening another button.  
  
The party inside is still going on but it feels way to far away. Basslines. People laughing. Electro beats. People screaming at each other. All of it in the distance. Niall feels weirdly disconnected from all of it.  
  
Harry let's his hand slide down from Niall's hip to his thigh, slowly.  
  


"Niall?" He's drawing circles into his jeans now.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I've got a secret!" Harry's looking at him, going from circles to another geometric form Niall can't remember the name to.  
  
"What's that?" Biting his lip because he's not sure where this is going. And normally it would probably scare him away.  
  
"'s a good one! Want to know?" He's still looking at him. A little bit hopeful. A little bit drunk. A little bit starbright. Still fingertip touches on his hips. His other hand still drawing pictures into his jeans.  
  
"Sure", he's just smiling at him.  
  
"Okay. I - I like you." Now Harry's biting his lip, starring at him like he did half of the evening. "A lot."  
  
Niall can't stop himself and he really _really_ tries. Maybe a little bit too hard. And then he starts laughing, can't bring himself to stop for what seems an eternity.  
  


"Not funny at all." Harry's voice is muffled, his head pressed against Niall's stomach. "It's really not."  
  
Niall's still laughing or again he isn't sure anymore. But he's laughing loud, body vibrating from it.  
  
"Little bit." He get's his fingers tangled into Harry's hair for a moment. "What are ya doing there anyway?"  
  
Harry doesn't look at him, seems miles away.  
  
"I don't know?" He sounds puzzled for a second. "But ... I ... I can stop, you know? I can stop, if you want me to."  
  
"Naah, it's fine. 's good."  
  
For some weird reason Niall doesn't want him to stop. With whatever he's doing. Unbuttoning his shirt, brushing his fingertips over Niall's skin.  
  
"Good." This time Harry's looking at him. "Good."

Niall's lost track of time. Because he drunk too much, he's sure about that. Maybe because Harry makes his head spin. (Could also be just the alcohol Niall tries to tell himself). He really feels like he's riding a roller coaster.  
  
"Ouch!", Niall looks at Harry in confusion, "You just bit me?"  
  
Nodding. "Yes. Pretty sure you should pay more attention to me, y'know?"  
  
"You're such a weirdo!" Niall's laughing.  
  
  
"Someone told me here's a pool somewhere?" Harry's looking at him from this weird angle where he probably just sees half of Niall and ninetyfive percent of it should be Niall's half unbuttoned shirt.  
  
"Yeah", he yawns, "It's the neighbours though."  
  
Harry blinks in the direction Niall's pointing at. Looks a little away. And there are no lights switched on or anything. Niall isn't sure if Harry even can see anything.  
  
"Doesn't seem like anyone's home at all?", he looks really excited now, "Sure someone told me they're on holidays or something."  
  
"Are you ... You just trying to talk me into trespassing because you drunk idiot want to go for a swim?"  
  
"You don't want to?", Harry frowns and then pouts at him (which looks stupid Niall wants to say but he doesn't), "Thought you would be the first one to be down for that kind of thing. Like, wouldn't had expect _Liam_ to be down for it but _you_. But okay."  
  
"You didn't just compare me to Liam, oi?" Niall's up before Harry can even blink at him. "Let's go, you small-time crook."  
  
Harry doesn't move for solid eight minutes. If Harry wouldn't have blinked a thousand times at him he would have been worried if Harry died on the spot. Or just asked him if he's a gargoyle now.  
  
"Let's do it!"  
  
And Harry finally moves.  
  


"Now?" Harry asks him a while later looking at the fence and then at Niall and back at the fence.  
  
Niall's pretty sure he's getting a giggle fit again any second now. Harry just looks too stupid and still. He hates himself for even thinking that.  
  
"Are we climbing over it?" The serious look Harry gives him is enough for Niall to know that he really means it.  
  
"You want to break your neck, mate?", he deadpans, "You went to a fucking party at a fucking party in fucking Ireland and we just walked a fucking mile to get here. Styles, the next neighbour on the other side lives four miles away. Four _fucking_ miles."  
  
He's done with Harry's stupidity when he just opens the gate. It probably would have been funny to watch Harry climbing over a fence but it wouldn't be worth it to end the night in a hospital.  
  
"'kay." Harry smiles at him. "That's also a way to do it. The easier way, not so authentic way, the Niall way."  
  
Niall just fake coughs. "Excuse me? At least no one's dying here tonight. You couldn't even walk in a straight line without falling over your own feet to save your life."  
  
"Don't tell anyone!" Harry winks at him. And Niall's sure he's the one dying tonight if Harry continues to be - Harry.  
  


Not even five minutes later they're finally at the pool. Harry decides it's a nice one and almost manages to trip over a pot plant. Niall just shakes his head, fumbling his phone out of his jeans pocket and sees Harry pushing some random buttons at a radio which looks like it had seen better times back in 2005. Just when Niall wants to say something about it it starts to work. Coldplay filling the silence between them for a moment before the songs fades into another one.  
  
The next time he looks over to him Harry has already stripped down to his pants. When Harry stops watching him Niall decides to go for it. Harry's close to the deep end of the pool anyway. He hugs him from behind, moving his hands to Harry's hips, pushing him slowly.  
  
"What are you doing, Niall?", Harry laughs. Resting his hands over Niall's. "If you really want to do _that_ you have to come with me."  
  
For a split second he's to confused to react in time. All Niall hears after that is a loud splash, the rush of water in his ears. He sees Harry smiling like an idiot underwater, his vision blurred.  
  


When he breaches the surface he's out of breath. His jeans and shirt soaking wet and heavy on him. Laughter behind him. Harry sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet splashing the water.  
  
When Niall turns to him Harry's smiling at him. Starts singing _Viva la Vida_ over whatever rap song the radio's playing. Sounding absolutely terrible together. He really hopes for the radio to stop working or at least Harry to stop singing.  
  
"You don't want to come out of your clothes?" Niall's shaking his head. He's going to regret that decision later, for sure.  
  


He ducks into the water again swimming a bit closer to Harry. This time not so breathless when he comes up again.  
  
Theres still this look at Harry's face, still singing, looking at Niall again when he comes out of the water, getting rid of his jeans and slipping into the water again, shirt still on.  
  
"We should go for a road trip someday." Splashing water.  
  
"You mean when one of us has a licence?", though he would be down for it in a heartbeat, "When X-Factor and all this crazy's over? Back to normal, yeah?"  
  
"Yes!" More splashing.  
  
"What if it doesn't get back to normal?" A swell of water hitting his face.  
  
"We will do it anyway. I promise."  
  
Sky is still clear. Stars bright.  
  
The second Niall sees it he closes his eyes. Wishing. Like he's seven again. Thinking when he just wishes enough it would be all good. He doesn't want that moment to end. That night. It could be like that for awhile. Nights and swimming pools. _And Harry.  
  
_

He doesn't know he will fall in love with exact this moment a thousand times. Again and again. And again. Years later. Way after Harry kissed him the first time and way before that. (That he'll start to hate almost all of it).  
  
He doesn't know it will eventually fall apart. Because they're going too. Shattering. Exploding stars.  
  
He doesn't know about all the kisses and all the touring which is to come. All the moments between.  
  
He doesn't know how they will grow up. How fucked up they will become.  
  
More swimming pools. More shooting stars. More promises no one will ever keep. Heartache and heartbreaks.  
  
He doesn't know he wants to go back to this moment more than a thousand times. Realizing that there is really no way to get back in time. Stop and rewind.  
  


"Harry?", he smiles, "You know, I like you too. A lot."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Drunk. Drunk. Drunk. Drunk. That's all Niall feels now. _Drunk._ Maybe the last beer he had was one too much. Or the two glasses gin tonic afterwards were clearly not a good idea. Or maybe the sip of Nick's red wine was really stupid. But he still feels good. In Nick's garden, Pig in his lap. Nick sitting opposite from him, crosslegged.

"You okay, love?"  
  
He shakes his head. Nods just after that.  
  
"It's just ...", he shakes his head again, "I never told that story anyone before?"  
  
Nick laughs. Somehow it sounds fake to Niall.  
  
"Nice to hear it though." This time Nick really laughs, "Like, finally."  
  
"Oh - Oh, Harry never told you?" Suddenly he feels really stupid. He never told someone the pool story before and he's just asking himself why now. _Drunk._ He's just fucking pissed. That's why.  
  
Nick looks confused for a second. "He did", awkward pause, "About you and him I mean just not really bragging about the details. This story was just _Ireland_ , _swimming pool_ and _Niall_ for me sometimes Harry laughing like an utter idiot."  
  
He sighs. It's a nice memory. Was a nice moment, all the years ago.  
  
  
"OK, tell me about your first kiss?" Nick's watching him while he's petting Pig.  
  
"You mean Harry and I?", he's sure he's blushing now.  
  
Nicks laughing, again. And Niall decides that he likes that sound. Remembers all the times Harry's stupid laughter was his favourite thing in the world.  
  
"C'mon!" He giggles and Niall's asking himself how much wine Nick had over the evening. "I had to wait for this a really long time. Tell me, Horan."  
  
"It just happened, I guess?", he shrugs, "Another pool, no trespassing this time. I think I was close to kissing him a couple of times before but ..."  
  
"Took you long enough?" Niall isn't sure why but right now Nick's curiosity makes him happy.  
  
"Three years? Yeah, almost three years." Pig is stepping on his leg to get off him. "Long enough."  
  
"That kiss though?" Pig is laying her head on one of Nick's thighs, getting scratched behind her ears.  
  
"Happened." He knows that his smile is probably just barely visible. "He - he just kissed me. Was good though."  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he sees Nick fumble one out of his pack of cigarettes.  
  
"Can I, I..." Niall really knows he shouldn't. But even the thought that Harry would be pissed about it makes him do it.  
  
Nick just hands him one without any questions which he's really grateful for. Just when he focus again, Nick's face is really close, smiling. Lightening Niall's cigarette and sitting back again.  
  


"What did you two do for almost three years?"  
  
He inhales. Coughs. Exhales sharply.  
  
"Fuck!" Nick doesn't laugh at him, just smiles and waits. "Teasing each other? More fucking pools. Getting me head around it, I guess. Not that I was never interested in a guy before but was weird somehow."  
  
"But you had a crush on him before, right?" Nick nods, stubbing out his cigarette.  
  
"Why do you want to know that? You want to make fun of me on the radio?" Not even sure why he says it. Doesn't think that Nick would be that cruel in any possible way. But still.  
  
"You really think I'm like that, love?" Nick gasps. Niall clenching his fingers around his cigarette before crushing it out in the ashtray between them. "I would never out someone on National Broadcast? Let alone some really famous popstar? Let alone someone who's sitting in my garden, totally pissed, and probably doesn't know what he's talking about anymore?"  
  
"It's just - you did quite a lot of fun of me this year already?" He clenches his hands into fists. Knuckles going white. Feels himself blushing. Nick making that face between surprised, confused and still angry isn't helping. "Sorry!"  
  
"Didn't know you were listening?" He lays back into the grass. "Didn't know you would actually mind?"  
  
He doesn't mind Nick teasing at the radio, not at all. He just started listening because at one point Nick had to talk about Harry. And Niall's just stupid and desperate like that.  
  
"I don't." He scratches Pig behind her ear to calm himself down again, "Sorry, don't think you an ass or something like that."  
  
"Good! Because I'm not y'know?" Niall calms down a bit. Tries to smile at Nick and seems successful.  
  
"Sorry, I know you and Harry are not really on good terms right now", Nick says a while later. Both laying down in the grass. "Shouldn't have asked about all that."  
  
Niall sits up again. Pig's still in his lap somehow. He reaches for Nick's bottle of red wine.  
  
"Hey!", he puts his hand on Niall's arm (makes him almost jump). "I'm not telling you to stop drinking but don't be sick on Pig, okay?"  
  
"I won't, promise." He knows it‘s not a good idea. Never stopped him before so he really shouldn't start tonight.  
Nick's sigh is deep, makes Niall shiver.  
  
"You want to talk about that?", Nick looks at him, "All was good before the break, wasn't it?"  
  
"It was. I mean we literally lived in eachothers pockets? We never had that boyfriend couple talk, no need. We talked about if hooking up with other people is okay which was absolutely fine. But otherwise there were no terms and conditions to it?" He waits for a moment. "We just stopped texting? Calling? Everything? I tried a few times though. And then we had a really big fucking fight about it. I - he sent me a pic after his haircut and and wished me luck for that soccer aid game. Otherwise radio silence. It's almost September already for fucks sake."  
  
He should really stop pouring his heart out in front of Nick. Another sip of wine.  
  
"I feel really stupid to go through papers, listening to the radio and talking about him to strangers. I'm sick of it to be honest 'cause I fucking miss him. It's weird."  
  
  
Nick still lays in the grass. Eyes closed.  
  
"Nick?" Quieter this time. Not sure if Nick really fell asleep.  
  
"Hmm? I listened. Just ..." He sits up looking at him. "Fuck, Niall! You're shaking."  
  
Nick's right, he's a shaking mess. Red wine stains on his jeans. (Forever ruined eventually). His fist is clenched around the neck of the bottle. Knuckles gone white again.   
  
Nick is close again, like he was when he lit Niall's cigarette. He's loosening the grip around the bottle, let's Nick get it. He digs his fingernails into Nick's arm. Still feeling shaky.  
  
"Look at me, hmm?" His vision is unfocused. "Breath, okay?"  
  
Breath. _Breath._ Breath. Drunk. _Drunk._ Drunk.  
  
  
He presses his lips against Nick's. Knocking over the bottle of wine. Something exploding in his ears. He's licking over Nick's lips before Nick's the one who's actually bringing distance between them.  
  
"You're drunk as hell, sunshine." Nick still manages to smile at him. "You should know that Harry asked me to check on you."  
So that's why Nick texted him, asked for a drink.  
  
"Couldn't do it himself?" For once too tired to hide his bitterness. His lips are still on Nick. His neck. Then his jaw.  
  
Just before he can kiss him again Nick stops him. "Hey, sunshine, hey? You sure about this?"  
  
This time Nick's not pushing him away. Only getting him closer. He's almost sitting in Nick's lap. He moans into the kiss when Nick's deepening it, only ending it because he's out of breath. For a good reason this time.  
  
"Pretty sure he didn't ask me to snog you senseless." Just a whisper. "You want to go to bed or you still feeling shaky?"  
  
"Can we just lay here and ... I don't know?"  
  
"You don't have to talk, it's fine, or just tell me something about golf." Nick's laughing, taking Niall with him when he's laying down again.  
  
  
Somehow it's easy. Easier than he had expected. He's half laying on top of Nick, talking about golf, Nick's hand tangled in his hair. Pig sniffing in his ear from time to time.  
  
"Okaaaay, bed time!", Nick says after awhile, "It's fucking five in the morning. I'll die because of you tomorrow morning, Horan."  
  
Niall makes a face at him, rolling his eyes. "I think i liked that _sunshine_ better, you know?" Wants it to sound like a joke (because it should be) but never sounding close to one.  
  
"Alright." Nick's giggling, pressing his lips to Niall's again for a bit before he gets up and holds a hand out for him.  
  
  
"You want to ..." Nick looks uncomfortable for a second, maybe two. "You can sleep in my bed if you want to but otherwise you could al-"  
  
"I'm fine with that." Niall stops him before he can say anything else. "I don't mind sharing a bed."  
  
He falls into Nick's bed fully clothed. His head spinning a little bit. Already half asleep when he feels Nick close to him, breathing in his ear.  
  
"Oh sunshine, really?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
He feels totally hangover the next day. Nick's not in bed anymore. But he hears his voice from somewhere in the house. Probably talking to Pig. The alarm to his right is telling him that's it 3pm already. There is a glass of water next to the alarm and Niall decides to take it with him looking for Nick.  
  
Nick is not talking to Pig, he's on the phone and he stops in his tracks when he hears Harry's name. He's standing in the doorway watching Nick making something what looks like breakfast.  
  
"I kissed Niall. I don't think he can remember, he was pretty pissed."  
  
He's sure he never heard Nick like that before.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay?"  
  
He feels really sick all of a sudden.  
  
"It's just ...", Nick sighs, "Shut up, Harold."  
  
He's starring at the tiles.  
  
"He's a goddamn treasure, Harry. Whatever you did you fuckin' stupid idiot don't do it again."  
  
His eyes are on Pig. He can't look at Nick.  
"He loves you."  
  
Shattering. The glass of water on the floor. Nick and Pig looking at him. Pig unimpressed. Nick shocked.  
  
"Sorry. I've to hang up. Sleeping beauty's awake."  
  
  
_Sorry!_ and _Breakfast?_ are the only things Nick says after that.  
  
_I can remember!_ is the only thing Niall says after he had a gulp of orange juice.  
  
Nick smiles weakly at him. Somehow sad.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's late September. Probably the last warm day of the year. He spends his day outside. Trying to actually play something on the guitar, ending with texting Nick. Sending him stupid snaps on snapchat.

Nick sents him a snap of Pig first thing in the morning. At 5:30 am. Niall isn't sure why but he wakes up to it.  
Sends him a snap back, right out of bed. Putting a gun, a bomb, and a knife emoji on it.

The next one is one of Nick and Fiona during the morning. With a mixture of emojis, not one single one making any sense to Niall (but he knows that probably all do to Nick).  
  
He sends him back one with his favourite coffee mug. It has scotties in several colours on it, next to it lays a scottie shortbread (he's really just weird like that and it doesn't will make sense to Nick). But he laughs when he sees that Nick took a screenshot of it.

He sends Nick a video of himself playing guitar. Completely weird angle. Half humming, half singing Daughter's _Youth_. Because he knows that Nick would love it. He's behaving like an attention seeking puppy, he knows it.  
  
Six minutes later he gets another one from Nick. It only shows Nick's screen. Songtitle on it. Blushing emojis. That's the one he get's as private.  
  
The other one shows exactly the same but it has _favourite today_ written all over it.

_How - Daughter_

He smiles like an idiot after this. Slightly blushing because he actually got the attention he wanted.

_Soz, vic told me off for being on my phone all the time this morning!!! hates when im doing that. (broken heart emoji). out for coffee with gellz now._

That's the text he get's three hours later, along with a picture of a cup of coffee, a slice of cake and probably Gillian's legs.  
Niall just sends him a photo out of his kitchen. Illustrated with every veggie emoji he could find.

_when do u think your going to invite me over? stillwasn't at yours. unbelievable._  
  
Nick's right. He wasn't at his house once and Niall never _actually_ invited Nick to come around. He always waits that Nick's the one who asks him for dinner, or for a pint. Which mostly ends with Nick just drinking wine and him getting totally drunk. It's a regular thing now and Niall likes how it is. It's just that, and texting each other mostly stupid things. Not every day (and not as much as today) but every other day.

_come round aytime u want to_

_thats an invitation then? (party popper emojis)_

He laughs. Takes the phone with him to settle down on the sofa.

_want it to be one ?_

_YES!_

_k . its an invitation_

Nick answers with all the happy emojis he could find. And with some only Nick would see as happy. He doesn't get his head around the ring emoji next to a snake though. He doesn't ask.  
  


The next photo he get's makes him blush. And furious. And.  
  
It just shows Nick on the sofa, making a silly face. Captioned with _temporary fix_?  
  
He hates it, he hates Nick for it. He hates all of it, even it's just a stupid joke. Or not, who knows. Because Niall isn't sure about it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was this one week where they didn't spoke a word with each other and Niall was pretty sure they will never do again.  
  
It started with Nick and him getting drunk on the sofa. Telly playing in the backround, both not really paying any attention to it. He still doesn't know how he ended on top of Nick, kissing him again.

"Niall?" Nick interrupting the kiss and this is too much like the first time Niall thinks. "You okay?"  
  
"'m fine." He playfully bites into Nick's shoulder, feeling Nick's hand wandering over his spine, his neck, resting in his hair at the end, pulling a little bit. Making him moan and Nick laughing under him.

Niall feels like the kissing is going on for hours before he moves to unbuttons Nick's shirt. Sucking on Nick's skin, licking over it when he's sure it will bruise eventually.  
  
"No, fuck." His breath is uneven. "No hickeys. Fuck, Niall."  
  
Nick's hands are under his shirt, then in his hair again.  
  
"Whatelse?", he asks, "Any other rules?" He adds when Nick looks rather confused.  
  
"Actually i promised myself we don't fuck."  
  
He lets out a frustrated noise. "I don't have to say anything about that? Because I want -"  
  
"No, sunshine", Nick interrupts him, "We _don't_ fuck."

"But this - this is okay?" He's grinding his crotch against Nick's thigh.  
  
A surprised noise escaping out of Nick's mouth, placing his hands on Niall's hips. "Sorry, didn't realize you're that hard already."  
  
"Grimshaw!" Strangled moan, Nick's thigh pressing against him.  
  
"But, yeah, you can do that, i guess." Low laughing. "Can you come like that?"  
  
First he nods, then he's shaking his head. He doesn't know and he honestly doesn't want to care about Nick's bloody no-fucking rule.  
  
"Try! Yeah?", unbuttons and unzips Niall's pants, getting them off him. "Pretty sure you don't want to come into those chinos."

All he does is trying. And trying. And failing. Nick looks amused under him.  
  
"Could you, you know, help?"  
  
He places his hands at Niall's hips again, controlling his motions. Biting one of his nipples.  
  
"Jesus, fuck!" He whimpers, throwing back his head. It doesn't take him more.  
  
Nick's looking at him when he opens his eyes again, slight embarassment kicking in.  
  
"You looked beautiful like that."  
  


Niall feels like he could fall asleep on top of Nick. But Nick's getting up after a bit, whispering _Sorry's_ into Niall's hair. He comes back with a wet flannel and a pair of boxers, handing both to Niall.  
  
He gets fully clothed again. Doesn't care that he's probably doing a reverse strip tease in front of Nick.  
  


"I - I should go?" It's more a question than anything else.  
  
"Mmhh." Nick doesn't look at him. "Maybe you should."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He gets a text from Nick after a week. After Nick ignored the last ten from him.

_Soz for the last time. im honestly not good with this shit, i'm a dick but i'm sorry. just took me by surprise and harry's still my friend. making out with his boyfriend, ex? i dont even fucking know that? is probably not the best way tp show that. want to come for dinner? my dinner date's letting me down._

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Only ten minutes later Niall gets another one. Pig and a shredded pair of socks.  
  
_I know you love her  
_  
The pair of destroyed socks look oddly familiar to him. They have dots in all colours over them and it takes him a moment to realize that they're in fact his. He looked for them.

_looked ages for that damn pair. pig no ._

_she still loves you._

He's sending a really dumb snap after this. Going cross-eyed, nose almost touching the screen.

First he thinks the doorbell ringing is on the telly, is about to answer Nick's _cute_ but then it rings again. And the telly isn't even on.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Sorry that I - I should have asked before coming here." Harry's sitting on his sofa now, he's sitting on the floor.  
  
"It's okay, really. Wanted to do dinner in a bit, you're not interrupting anything." Which isn't a lie but also not the whole truth. "What are you doin' here?"  
  
Harry exhales sharply, smiles at him. No hair falling in his face, like it used to do, because it's short now and Niall is trying to remember when he saw Harry the last time before he just showed up at his doorstep. "I missed you."

_No._

Niall wants to say it. _No_. Or _That's a lie_. Or _anything_. But he just nods.

"I should start making dinner." He's up before Harry can say anything else.  
  
Regulating his breath, looking for his phone. Which lays forgotten somewhere between the sofa cushions.

Harry follows him into the kitchen a little bit after, giving him time. Not enough. The look he gives him is confused. "Is that Grimmy's shirt you're wearing?"  
  
He turns back to the kitchen counter. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
_  
"Nah, 's mine." He wouldn't even consider believing himself. There's absolutely no reason to. The shirt is Nick's. Looks like one of Nick's. Still smells like Nick.  
  
"Okay, just - nevermind." Harry's close to him and he get's a short kiss. _Enough.  
_  
"Dinner, Harold, dinner."  
  


It's not awkward anymore when they're sitting in the living room again, eating and Niall doesn't feel like he wants to run out of his own house anymore. Which should be a good sign.  
  
"I'm going solo."  
  
He stops eating for a second, looks at Harry, going back to eating. It's honestly no surprise. The only surprise is that he gets that information from Harry himself.  
  
"Cool." He doesn't know what else he should say. Maybe that's the only thing, the real thing, Harry's here for.  
  
"I don't know what that means for the band." He places his fork on his plate. "In the future, i mean."  
  
"I'm not an idiot." He sighs, he's really not. Sometimes he just doesn't care if he looks like one. "All knew this could happen, except for Liam maybe. Before you ask I'll not tell him, do that yourself. 'm not going to crush _his_ dreams."  
  
"That's ..." Harry starts, but Niall shushes him. He doesn't want to hear more. Doesn't need to.

They're settling down outside after dinner. Laughing. It's almost good. Feels a little bit like a lost memory they're trying to rewrite.  
  
"You should be my guitarist."  
  
Niall chokes on his beer. This isn't what he expected.  
  
"Really. That would be awesome."  
  
_Lies. Lies. Lies.  
_  
He's too happy to hear Harry speak about it, just trying to ignore his inner voice.  
  
_You know better. This 's not going to happen.  
_  
He's smiling and laughing. And ending the night with kissing Harry, falling asleep next to him.  
  


Niall wakes up early again the next morning, it's still dark outside. The other side of the bed still warm but no one but him in the bed.  
  
"Niall?" Harry's whispering, coming into the room again. "My - have to catch my flight to LA."  
  
He wants to bury his face in the pillow. That's the way he doesn't has to look at him.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
After a while he's looking at him, taking a deep breath. "Are we okay?"  
  
"We are." Harry kisses him. "But I really have to take that flight."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He wakes up again hours after Harry's gone. Thinking it was just a weird dream. But the handwritten note, next to his phone, on the kitchen table proves him wrong.

The handwritten note says nothing but _love you x_ and _found your phone on the sofa_ on the back.

His phone is dead. And his messages are slowly popping up after he gets his charger.

_dinner night with aimee and ian. want to come? i have beer and food and pig. c'mon no one can say no to pig._

He reads it again. And again. And again. And again. He wouldn't had said no. Not to dinner with Nick and his friends or to Pig or to beer or to food. But Harry came around and at one point he forgot that he was texting with Nick all day.

There's a photo of Ian, Aimee and Nick in his kitchen on snapchat. All smiling.  _Someone's missing?  
_  
He lets out a string of curses. He isn't sure but that would probably have been better than waking up to seeing Harry fucking off again.  
  


_are you okay?_

All the texts he got after not answering for hours look like that.

_Niall??????????  
  
_

Then there's a photo of Nick and a bottle of wine. Together with Pig. Cuddling on the sofa.  _Sunshine?_ And a _fucking_ four-leaf clover emoji.  
  


_are yu ignoring me? i did soething? you ok? niall? fvcck im pissed_

He feels sorry and suddenly really stupid. Even when he knows that it's okay to not answering text messages. Or not going when someone invited him. This is all fucked up.  
  


_nvm harry texted me (party popper emoji)  
  
_

He closes his eyes. This is more than fucked up.

_next time ill be there! promise !_


End file.
